Commandments of Consumption

 1. If you can’t do it sober you can’t do it drunk.
Some examples include flying, being invincible, and walking on the walls.

2. Contrary to popular belief, Alcohol does not act as a voice amplifier. This will be remembered.

3. Running is an accelerated motion, two words that if not understood while inebriated should not be acted upon. No running.

4. Sober people know what they are talking about. Give up your keys, don't even think about driving.

5. No more means no more, no amount of acting like a spy or a ninja will get you any closer to another sip, so stop trying. Begging won't work either.

6. When in public, clothing is not optional, clothing is mandatory.

7. The floor is not the most clean, or comfortable, place to sleep. Crash on a couch.

8. Think happy thoughts, nobody likes a crier and aren't you supposed to be having fun? 

9. If someone pisses you off, don’t fight them; you couldn't hit a brick wall right now so it’s not even worth the humiliation.

10. Don’t puke on shoes, furniture, or anywhere besides a toilet or lawn. If you have consumed too much alcohol, call 911. Alcohol is not worth your life, or your friends brand new leather couch.

Thank you for drinking responsibly.

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